ES
The start of a new academic year brings back one of the questions that concerns many families most: when is the right time for a child to have their first mobile phone and, above all, how can parents support them in learning to use it responsibly? The transition to Secondary School often becomes a turning point, as students gain independence, begin travelling on their own and face increasing pressure from those around them to have a smartphone and access social media.
The figures show just how much mobile phones have become part of children’s and teenagers’ everyday lives. According to the study Childhood, Adolescence and Digital Wellbeing, produced by UNICEF, Red.es, the University of Santiago de Compostela and the General Council of Professional Associations of Computer Engineering, 82.4% of Spanish children have their own mobile phone, receiving one at an average age of 10.8. In Primary School, 51.6% of students have a smartphone, a figure that rises to 92.8% by the time they reach Secondary School.
Against this backdrop, Laura Cuesta Cano, professor at Universidad Camilo José Cela and an expert in digital wellbeing, proposes an approach that may be particularly useful for families: replacing the “mobile phone: yes or no?” debate with the gradual introduction of technology, adapted to each child’s maturity and genuine needs.
Cuesta, who has designed a practical guide together with technology company SPC to help families establish age-appropriate digital habits, argues that there is no universal age at which a child should receive their first device. “Talking about age is difficult because no two families or children are the same. More important than age is their level of maturity and, above all, understanding both their needs and those of their parents,” she explains.
Having a mobile phone does not have to mean having access to everything
One of the central ideas put forward by the UCJC professor is that giving a child a device so that parents can stay in touch with them does not mean immediately giving them access to everything a smartphone can offer.
For children aged 10 or 11 who are beginning to travel around independently, for example, Cuesta believes that if a family’s main concern is safety, a device that allows them to make calls, send messages and use geolocation may be enough. “They don’t need anything more,” she says.
This gradual approach should continue as they grow. Between the ages of 10 and 12, children may, under supervision, have access to video games, photos, music or selected video channels, but Cuesta advises that they should not yet have access to social media. Between 12 and 14, they can be given greater independence and broader access to apps and platforms, although she still considers it preferable to delay access to social networks.
In this way, giving a child their first mobile phone no longer has to be an “all or nothing” decision. “It is not about giving them a phone with everything accessible for their First Communion and leaving it at that,” she warns. There are devices and systems that allow families to unlock functions gradually as children demonstrate that they are ready to use them more independently.
The pressure of social media
Social media is precisely one of the main challenges families face during adolescence. The same study reports that 92.5% of minors are registered on at least one social network and 75.8% use three or more.
For Cuesta, the answer cannot simply be prohibition. “The key is digital literacy from an early age, not banning for the sake of banning,” she says.
The expert warns that outright bans can have unintended consequences, such as pushing teenagers towards lesser-known platforms or environments that are more difficult for families to supervise. Alongside the responsibility technology companies themselves must assume in creating safer environments, she therefore considers it essential for children to learn gradually how these spaces work, what risks they involve and what decisions they need to make within them.
Supporting does not mean spying
One of Cuesta’s most important messages for parents concerns the distinction between supervision and surveillance.
Families should know which apps their children are using and, particularly when they are younger, remain alert to issues such as contact with strangers. That does not, however, mean routinely reading their private conversations.
“One thing is knowing which apps they use or whether they are talking to strangers; another is reading their conversations,” she explains. And when it comes to using tools to spy on their messages, she is unequivocal: “I’m not in favour of it. It breaks trust.”
Cuesta also highlights something that can be difficult for families to accept when it comes to digital education: “There is no such thing as zero risk, either on or off screens.” She therefore suggests replacing the temptation to know absolutely everything with something far more valuable in the long term: keeping communication open.
“If you want to know, ask. Ask lots of questions, but without breaking the connection with your child,” she advises.
Digital rules must apply to adults too
To build that trust, conversations about technology need to begin long before a problem arises. And they should not focus solely on warnings about potential dangers.
Cuesta recommends also talking to children about the positive possibilities of technology and explaining why, at certain ages, they need supervision and guidance. Families can establish shared agreements on the use of mobile phones, tablets, video games and other devices, but with one essential condition: the rules need to be consistent for everyone in the household.
The UCJC professor points out the contradiction involved in asking a teenager to reduce their screen time while they constantly see their parents using their phones. “Because I say so” is not enough, she stresses.
Adults’ own behaviour is therefore also part of their children’s digital education. Schedules, screen-free spaces, putting phones aside during conversations and the way parents manage their own notifications all convey a particular way of relating to technology.
Educating them so that one day they no longer need supervision
The ultimate goal of parental guidance should not be to control children’s use of their phones indefinitely, but to help them develop the ability to manage them independently.
Cuesta describes this as “gradually loosening the reins”. By around the age of 15 or 16, she believes teenagers should already have a high degree of autonomy in how they use their devices, provided that this educational process began much earlier.
“We cannot wait until they are 16 and expect them to answer us, because by then they trust their peers, not us,” she warns. This is why the relationship families build during the first years of their children’s digital lives becomes particularly important when more complex situations arise.
The aim, she explains, is that when a teenager encounters a problem — whether online or offline — their parents are still the first people they want to turn to.
In a digital environment that evolves far faster than any instruction manual, Laura Cuesta’s approach therefore shifts the focus away from the device itself and towards education. There is no single formula that works for every family, nor is there one age that resolves the dilemma on its own. What there can be, however, is dialogue, a gradual increase in autonomy, consistent rules and a relationship of trust that begins to be built long before a child receives their first mobile phone.
